4/26/98
It's several months since I "began" to rebuild the site...still a distance to the end in sight...It's much hard to evolve to a new level of communication than to start one afresh as I did with the original site. And even easier to let the hard work pass with excuses of "real" work and other projects. I still can't integrate the idea that I have to prioritize me as the most important project of all: All others pale by comparison. I'm considering things I should do to care for myself. Working with a trainer is a step up, but not a staircase up...awareness alone does not resolve issues. If anything, it may cloud them. I went to a pottery studio for the first time in almost 12 years. I threw pots for an hour or so and it was as if I'd just left off yesterday. I must make time for that. I stopped attending the playwriting class I took this semester...it was giving me nothing new besides frustration with the methodology. I am of an age where I am the only one who has control over whether I waste my time or not. It's been a pleasure since I dropped the class...I think I'll even enjoy seeing that glaring "F" on my report card. (Imagine, a report card at age 30.) I'd like to play the drums...that may have to wait until I have a place of my own. But it's not a "never" sort of thought. I looked at the Outward Bound site last night...dabbling in thoughts of time spent alone with myself. Then I looked at the Shakespeare & Company site and dabbled in thoughts of their month-long intensive workshops. Theatre feels too distant and remote right now. But then, so is everything dangerous.
1/9/98
So a few months back, I turned 30. And you know, it had its ups and downs. The way I figure it, I'm way ahead of the game in some areas, way behind in others. Guess the karma kind of balances out, or something. I've barely touched the website since it went up...been too busy working on other projects and other sites. I added the NERO pages about a year ago or so, but that was a one-fell-swoop kind of deal. It needed to be done, so I did it. Scrolling down, I see it's almost two years to the day since I threw together the bulk of the pages herein...I would have guessed more. I've done a lot since then...
The business is solidly off the ground. I've had the chance to work on some very cool projects for some even cooler clients. I've had to evolve to fit the changing needs--good thing, or I'd have ditched out long ago. Boredom is death. Transition is life.
Since I set up the site, I've moved to have more office space, I got hooked on a silly game that sucks time like a vampire, I've directed a couple of kick-ass Shakespeare plays with an awesome gang of high school students. I've taken my annual pilgrimage to Maine...and brought too much work with me each time. I've taken a programming class and I'm signed up for another this semester -- what a joy to do education for the sake of knowledge and not for grades. It means I can take that playwriting class, too, even though I've already got the BA in theatre, the MA in teaching, and I'm certified to teach the class myself. Living, teaching, and simply do-ing are all far more interesting and productive when I also get to learn. I've started with a personal trainer -- seems pretentious, I know, but in the long run, it's cheaper than a gym because there, I'd pay the membership and end up not going. Better to do than to contemplate. Better to contemplate than to do nothing.
So. Here I am. My To-Do list has had "update website" on it for months...maybe even a year. I've had a cold all week. Had to reschedule all my client appointments, so next week will be hellish. But it's Friday night and I still feel a bit stuffy, so my choices are 1) clean the apartment (no small chore at this point), 2) sleep (been there, done that--too wired now!), and 3) start knocking things off that To-Do list. Here goes!
9/1/96
In fourteen days, give or take a few hours, I turn 29. No big deal, right? Well, sure. Maybe not to you. Heck, maybe not even to me, most of the time. But tonight, sitting on a dock in Penobscott Bay, in Maine (I won't tell you where -- there's already a year and a half wait to visit the place)...tonight, as the first part of my one vacation this year ends, as I stared up at a barely waning moon that still held a tint of orange about it...as I looked at more stars and planets than I ever see wherever I live...for some reason, tonight I thought "Shit. I'm turning 29 in fourteen days." Well, I mused on that for a few seconds, contemplating whether it meant anything to me, and decided it probably, well, maybe, no, definitely-I-think, means something to me. Hell if I know what, though. So, rather than doing the work I brought with me to catch up on during this vacation, I decided to unzip the new demo copy of FrontPage I D/L'd from Microsoft a while back, and work on my pages for a change. Heck, my FTP isn't working right, and I may already have gone through the crisis of being 29 by the time these pages actually get to where they belong, but I guess that's just a metaphor for my life, or something.
Maybe what I need to do is focus on getting one thing fixed at a time, then go from there. For a novel approach, maybe that will do the trick.
Oh, yeah, one more thing...just WHAT was I thinking when I chose these colors for this page?!
* * * *
1/10/96
Well, as of install date, this site has over 30 distinct pages in varying states of "completion."
There are probably a thousand or more cross-references and links based on synaptic interconnectivity -- fancy talk for "when I think of this, it makes me think of that."
Of the links found here, easily three hundred or more are to other sites on the net...if you get to a page that's not DICHOTOMY!, be sure to hit your BACK button to get back to us once you're done checking that page out...there's always more to discover in the nooks and crannies.
Enjoy!