ANDREW
(as if to group therapy group, taking a deep breath)
When I was a kid, I really got into Star Trek. I watched the show, read the books ... when the comic book version came out, I got a subscription, even though I was really too old to read comics by then. I like all kinds of science fiction, but Star Trek is the best. "Lost in Space" and "My Favorite Martian" were crap compared to Trek. I was a Trekkie way before we were called Trekkies. A lot of guys liked Kirk best, 'cause he got all the women ... some of my friends were into Bones... "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a molecular nuclear physicist!" but my favorite was Spock. I had to love him, right? I mean, with my eyebrows and all, I could relate to Spock. I practiced that arched eyebrow thing for hours on end, running all around the house, giving my sisters the Vulcan Death Grip, wishing it were real, and mind-melding with Pizza--our cat. I could recite the lines in every episode by the time I was 16. Once I even went to a Science Fiction convention dressed as Spock. I dyed my hair and my eyebrows black and made some putty ears. Mom helped me make a Starfleet uniform, complete with phaser and flip-top communicator... it was the greatest thing! I won a stuffed Tribble in the trivia competition, and I took third runner-up in the costume contest. I must've said "Live long an prosper!" a million times that weekend. From then on, I was dubbed Mr. Spock. Even my high school teachers called me Spock--everyone except Mr. Lewis, the shop teacher who talked like a duck and insisted on calling me 'Andrew' in that quacky voice of his.
(pause)
I majored in mathematics in college of course my favorite course was Logic. The name followed me there, too frat guys all had to have nicknames, and when they saw my eyebrows and heard me quote the show--Spock. That's me.
(long pause, change of thought)
One of my frat brothers senior year freaked out when his girlfriend broke up with him he decided to shave all his body hair off. Yeah, all. He didn't look too bad until you saw him face on. A lot of people are bald and it looks okay, but someone without any eyebrows at all is really scary. This guy looked like the walking dead--kind of like Pink from "The Wall." My eyebrows are pretty much my trademark, y'know? Hey, if what they say about the eyes being the gateway to the soul is true, I figure my eyebrows must be some kind of roadsign or something.
(sigh and pause)
The nausea's gonna be nothing, and I can get a crew cut when the treatments start, so people won't notice the change so much, but how do I prepare people for me not having any eyebrows? The Doctor says it's pretty rare that someone loses them, but not totally impossible.
(beat)
Chemotherapy. It always reminds me of Kemosabe, you know, like from the Lone Ranger? So that always reminds me of how someone once told me that Tonto translates out to "stupid". Stupid-therapy. Sounds about right. Stupid--
(in a rush, interrupting himself)
--the Doctor says it's not too bad. We caught it early but I still have to go through stupid-therapy to keep it under control. Know what happens when a tumor gets too big? It starts pushing things around to get more room. He says if--when we get it under control, they'll operate. By that time, I probably won't even have any eyebrows...
(angry)
I don't want to be sick don't want to lose my hair. Live long and prosper, fuck! I don't want--
(pause)
I'm really scared.
(lights fade)